Teen Talk Gifts

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"He's gone goth"

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

'Why would a just God allow so many teenage vampire movies?'

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"Hey, look - Mom left us an internal memo."

An English and French student converse.

The tulip knew it was in trouble when called by its scientific name.

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'Would you stop with the Twitter alerts already? I'm standing right behind you.'

"He's gonna be bad for business."

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

"Stop smirking, it's just an expression! You know perfectly well what I mean when I say I'm putting my foot down and you can't go out tonight!"

"I can't believe this! All these filthy messages on your cell phone! And so many of them! What is it? 100? 500? 1,000?"

Funny Farm

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 4

'How did our summer vacation turn intoa summer job??'

'What does the word ‘Face' mean in this sentence: 'He was only trying to save face.' A) The front of the head. B)To look at something. C) The surface of a solid. D) Dignity.

Is it true kids your age lie 14 times a day? That's outrageous! Yeah, mom. It's sooo off. Good to hear! 14 seems high to me. 8 sounds right.

Potential Into Kinetic Energy Conversion Method #18

"Cool game!"