Teen Banter Enthusiast Gifts

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"I failed my driving test...apparently I shouldn't have been texting!"

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

The Art of Bantering!

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'You're looking well.'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.