Teen Issues Gifts

The Teenage Mantra: You don't understand...

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

'Relax, I'm not pregnant, I just ate a bag of candy worrying about our relationship.'

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

I've had "health," ok, dad? I know what "you know what" can lead to. STDs. AIDs. Emotional scars that can take years to heal. Umm�Anything else. What else is there?

There's only one way to test out the sex-ed theories. Uh-oh. I need a date with Ryan Beardsley. Twig? He's not on the curriculum. True, but

You're really not going to the dance? Really. Just because someone found out you have a crush on Ryan Beardsley? Just?!! Everyone thinks I'm a pathetic loser. So not true! Most kids don't know who you are! You're picking up this check.

"That cross is not divine. It's a symbol of how out of control things can get when a teenager lies about how she got pregnant."

Zit: Pus based life-form whose main habitat is the teenage face. Normally peaceable, but he can react violently if threatened.

'I don't have a bad attitude! I can't help it if everything sucks!'

"Of course your parents embarrass you. That's what parents are for."

"Baldo, what would you do if there was a girl who never left you alone?"

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

"Three more years of high school."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"He's gone goth"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

PROBLEM AREAS

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

Fishbowl rebellion.

Mom? Eco club is starting a campaign to eat local food. Good idea. Would you please pack me a lunch from organic stuff grown near here? Ok. I'm sure we have something. Thanks! Oh, boy. A beet sandwich.

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"This is crazy! We've been here only 10 minutes, we've spent all our money, and we've got nothing to show for it!"

Teenage Angst.

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'