Teen Issues Gifts

The Teenage Mantra: You don't understand...

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

'Relax, I'm not pregnant, I just ate a bag of candy worrying about our relationship.'

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

"That cross is not divine. It's a symbol of how out of control things can get when a teenager lies about how she got pregnant."

Zit: Pus based life-form whose main habitat is the teenage face. Normally peaceable, but he can react violently if threatened.

'I don't have a bad attitude! I can't help it if everything sucks!'

"Of course your parents embarrass you. That's what parents are for."

"Baldo, what would you do if there was a girl who never left you alone?"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Three more years of high school."

"He's gone goth"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

PROBLEM AREAS

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

'I think there was a typo in the lab instructions.'

"I've tracked our GPS coordinates over the past week dad. Well, we're roaming the plains alright!"

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

Fishbowl rebellion.

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

Teenage Angst.

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

'Why would a just God allow so many teenage vampire movies?'

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

'Don't forget to put gas in the car and the mower.'

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"Hey, look - Mom left us an internal memo."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

The tulip knew it was in trouble when called by its scientific name.

"I'm you, from the future, here to deliver a witty comeback line."