Teen Trouble Gifts

"This zit is growing way out of control!"

Rage.

The Teen Years of A Red Delicious.

'Teachers' Dreams.' 'Young man, either you remove your hand from under her sweater or I will remove it your arm.'

Gotta babysit. Too bad! Tap tap. The worst part is the first! Subduing little monsters? Tap tap. No

"Nicole, Kyle, would you guys burn my yearbook?"

"I feel sorry for kids these days - they're always being tested for something"

'My Social Worker said SOCIETY is to blame for my loutish behaviour, which came as an enormous relief to me.'

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

'I was a teenager once too, dear.'

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

"Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be?" "Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person." "If you think 'being you' includes being dirty, that means you're a dirty, slovenly filth-beast..." "...who will end up alone and miserable because no liv

"Ask Sadie advice hour! What's your problem?!" "Being a high school student is literally killing me! I sit all day at school, and sit all evening doing my homework." "Stop yer sniveling!!! Every student since the beginning of time has had to deal with this problem." "Yes, you're sitting all day. But like any other teenager, you should be burning thousands of calories anyway." "The eye-rolling alone should burn up to 473 calories per hour. Pick up the pace, slacker!!!"

'Don't try and act cool by saying it's the blood of the undead, we both know it's acne.'

'If you think you're going to sit around here while I wait on you hand and big foot, think again young man.'

"You're about to enter a semi-autonomous region of this house."

"That cross is not divine. It's a symbol of how out of control things can get when a teenager lies about how she got pregnant."

"I kept dropping my phone and cracking the screen. So, my parents bought me a thicker cover."

Zit: Pus based life-form whose main habitat is the teenage face. Normally peaceable, but he can react violently if threatened.

The Teenage Mantra: You don't understand...

'First it's surveillance cameras in schools and now my mom wants to be my friend on Facebook, so she can check up on me.''

'Your parents are worried about you. You're not rebellious, you don't take any substances, you don't have raging hormones...'

ZBIGNIEW BREZINSKI'S TIPS FOR TEENS

I've had "health," ok, dad? I know what "you know what" can lead to. STDs. AIDs. Emotional scars that can take years to heal. Umm�Anything else. What else is there?

"Look dude, if you like a girl...you gotta move fast!"

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

"Of course your parents embarrass you. That's what parents are for."

The statue of puberty.

"Woke up late this afternoon, I've got the teenage blues…"

'I don't have a bad attitude! I can't help it if everything sucks!'

'Sure he's cute, smart and athletic. But my parents would approve of him and that wouldn't work for me.'

That's when I decided why should I care

Girl refusing a boy's advances.

"How real is your fake ID?"