Teen Advice Gifts

ZBIGNIEW BREZINSKI'S TIPS FOR TEENS

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

"Three more years of high school."

The Brothers Grime

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

PROBLEM AREAS

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

Fishbowl rebellion.

"Having a cat will prepare us for having a teenager one day."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

Teenage Angst.

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

This year I'm a different person. I'm starting school as the new, cooler me. Way to go, Twig! Diner. Everyone will notice the change. It feels kind of risky. I've never worn my hair down!

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

'We've created a teenager!'

"My name is Van Gelsing, Madame. I'm an expert in cleaning teenagers' rooms. If you need me, just give me a call, okay?"

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"I'm you, from the future, here to deliver a witty comeback line."

Pubertry

"That was a great kiss, Joey...but can I have my gum back please?"

"Stop smirking, it's just an expression! You know perfectly well what I mean when I say I'm putting my foot down and you can't go out tonight!"

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

"You just wait tilll your father gets home!!"

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

Fishbowl Rebellion

"Maybe if your creativity had fewer outlets, it would come out of you with more force."

"I told you it was too soon to give him The Talk."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"We're out of empanadas!"

Hey, Twig! Ryan Beardsley wants your cell phone number! The divine wonder of West Fester High? Finally! My life changes for the better. He needs activities for his college apps and wants to come to our shortest eco-club cleanup. Change you can believe in. West Fester High School.

Hi! You want to, like, hang out? Sure. When are you free? Twig! Time to pack. We're leaving!! In about a year? It's on my iCal.

"Hello, Sally? I've decided not to go to the concert. . . my father said I'd have to use my own money!"