Teen Life Expert Gifts

"Young man, you'd better get my priorities straight."

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

"Three more years of high school."

The Brothers Grime

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

PROBLEM AREAS

Fishbowl rebellion.

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"I'll be glad when this is over and Sarah can be herself again."

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

Welcome to your new English Class.

Teenage Angst.

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

This year I'm a different person. I'm starting school as the new, cooler me. Way to go, Twig! Diner. Everyone will notice the change. It feels kind of risky. I've never worn my hair down!

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

Pubertry

"Okay, there's one thing I like about school starting. I have a girlfriend this year."

"I'm you, from the future, here to deliver a witty comeback line."

"That was a great kiss, Joey...but can I have my gum back please?"

"Stop smirking, it's just an expression! You know perfectly well what I mean when I say I'm putting my foot down and you can't go out tonight!"

Fishbowl Rebellion

"Hello, Sally? I've decided not to go to the concert. . . my father said I'd have to use my own money!"

Hi! You want to, like, hang out? Sure. When are you free? Twig! Time to pack. We're leaving!! In about a year? It's on my iCal.

"We're out of empanadas!"

Hey, Twig! Ryan Beardsley wants your cell phone number! The divine wonder of West Fester High? Finally! My life changes for the better. He needs activities for his college apps and wants to come to our shortest eco-club cleanup. Change you can believe in. West Fester High School.

"I told you it was too soon to give him The Talk."

'He said he can't put his love for me into words because it exceeds the 140 characters allowed in a tweet.'

'You'r either having trouble hearing, or there's a boy you want to be closer to.'

'Actually, this is my vacation. I'm a substitute teacher.'

Jesus As A Teenager Clears The Temple. . .

'Be back by 5 AM, and NO texting while echolocating!'

Guess what Daddy, Gerald plays hockey!