Teen Advisors Gifts

'I was just told the facts of life...sexual abstinence.'

PROBLEM AREAS

Welcome to your new English Class.

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

"He's gonna be bad for business."

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

'I'm not enjoying my childhood, I'm dealing with it.'

Adult Crime, Not Adult Logic

Boy running away to join circus, clown running away to city.

What's this about? The recession is devastating chain stores. Save our mall. They're the lifeblood of teen culture as we know it. What are your solutions? We're having a massive shop-in this Saturday! Shop 'til you drop. Big $$. Like a day of service? Exactly! But you'll feel even better about yourself.

'You can argue until you're blue in the face, Todd. But you rolled your eyes, and Adolescent Ref is not going to change his mind!'

'It's probably a hormonal thing.'

'I heard that as soon as we become aware of our sexual impulses, whatever they are, we'll have to hide them.'

'Your parents are worried about you. You're not rebellious, you don't take any substances, you don't have raging hormones...'

"Young man, you'd better get my priorities straight."

'Officer Root will never believe the car was stolen. He knows we have four teenagers'

ZBIGNIEW BREZINSKI'S TIPS FOR TEENS

Your hair looks good down for a change, Twig. You think? I want to look different, but � I don't want to stand out! It could work.

How's the team shaping up? The goalie quit. Cody's out with a concussion

'No, my cap has a backwards bill on it.'

'Teenagers are a big source of anxiety for their guardians.'

'Are our eyes going bad on us are are we beginning to see girls in a different light?'

"No, thanks. My folks won't let me get any piercings, yet."

Bill Gates ambushed by divorce lawyers.

Out too late? Call curfew beaters!

'Is Aunt Flo's monthly visit three to five business days, or are weekends included?'

"No Justin. I'm saving myself for college."

The voice of youth

'What did we say about body language?'

"'Gang members feel pessimistic about their chances of succeeding in life!'"

"Give me your tired, your poor, those longing to be free from pimples..."

The Ask Sadie Show. Actual answers to actual reader questions. Dear Sadie, When you were a teenager, did your parents tell you you were too young to date? How did you deal with that? - Frustrated with Dad. Never! In my day, there were no "teen-agers." You were either big enough to run the machinery, or small enough to be used as a pipe-cleaner in the machinery.