Teen Counseling Gifts

'Your parents are worried about you. You're not rebellious, you don't take any substances, you don't have raging hormones...'

Alice in Wonderland - six impossible things before breakfast

Yes, I agree that man is a master of his own destiny but sometimes it helps if you pass algebra.

Welcome to your new English Class.

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"He's gonna be bad for business."

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."

Teens.

'What does the Scout manual say about this situation?'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'Apart from illiteracy, low self esteem, homelessness, poverty and a broken home. I can't find any reason for his offending behaviour!'

'Can you prove it's your hat?'

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

Respect Zone: 'We respect yobs.'

Gotta babysit. Too bad! Tap tap. The worst part is the first! Subduing little monsters? Tap tap. No

Criminal Youths Need Help Instead of Punishment!

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

Boy running away to join circus, clown running away to city.

'You can argue until you're blue in the face, Todd. But you rolled your eyes, and Adolescent Ref is not going to change his mind!'

"Ask Sadie advice hour! What's your problem?!" "Being a high school student is literally killing me! I sit all day at school, and sit all evening doing my homework." "Stop yer sniveling!!! Every student since the beginning of time has had to deal with this problem." "Yes, you're sitting all day. But like any other teenager, you should be burning thousands of calories anyway." "The eye-rolling alone should burn up to 473 calories per hour. Pick up the pace, slacker!!!"

"This zit is growing way out of control!"

"Can Hilary come out to abstain from having sex?"

What's 'e done, Governor?

Zit: Pus based life-form whose main habitat is the teenage face. Normally peaceable, but he can react violently if threatened.

"I kept dropping my phone and cracking the screen. So, my parents bought me a thicker cover."

"Think the unthinkable, move out."

"That cross is not divine. It's a symbol of how out of control things can get when a teenager lies about how she got pregnant."

The Teenage Mantra: You don't understand...

"The last thing you want to do while on the stand is pull a temper tantrum."

"Young man, you'd better get my priorities straight."

'Officer Root will never believe the car was stolen. He knows we have four teenagers'