College Kid Chronicles T-Shirts

'I've been offered a week under the viaduct and three nights in a pizza hut doorway, after which I get my own cardboard box.'

The Art Student.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Kardiff.

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

Santa does a keg stand.

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

What've you been up to since college, Lemont? Oh, I became a journalist … had a kid, blah blah … but I wanna hear about you, Rudy. Grigori Rasputin. How've you been all these years? How's your Uncle Mort? Are you a Russian spy? Boop boop boop. How'd that stomach-tumble-translator startup you founded in the nineties go? Wait ... what did you say you became? What do they have on President Trump? How's your cat? Boop.

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Too big to fail

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Day one, post grad