College Instructor Gifts

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

Comparative Literature of 201

Psychology Dept. What should I call my paper on the increase in aggressive impulses during spring? "Beward the ids of March"!

'I teach junkyard security at the local obedience college.'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Hmph. College kids.'

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'For an explanation of the financial terms of this loan, please enroll in a continuing-education economics class at your local community college.'

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

Kirsten Johnson

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'Leadership training.'

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

Subatomic particles

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

What Does God Know?

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

The Giamatti era

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

Smart Bomb.

Professor Swizzlestix explains his point....

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

"The narrative seems contrived."

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

"This is a teaching hospital."

This is probably the only time that Clem's name and the title 'Ph.D' will be used in the same sentence.