Instructors Gifts

Adult School. You're teaching the history of animated cartoons? What did you teach tonight? I taught "I taw a puddy tat."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Campaign for Plain English

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

Kirsten Johnson

'Leadership training.'

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

"This is a teaching hospital."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

Hey, anyone? I'd like some attention. Waaaaa!! You okay, baby? Now I see how this works.

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

'Forget everything I told you about flying.'

'It's for cutting and pasting.'

"Pal, you're a guitar lesson flyer in a math tutor part of town."

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

"But you said that to make it start, I had to 'Boot it up'!"

"… and once you've finished advanced infantry training, you'll be assigned to film school."

Econ 101. Can you explain the phrase "Talk is cheap"? It's because the supply always exceeds the demand.

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

Creative Writing 101. When it comes to writing lean, simple prose, there's the wrong way, the right way and the Hemingway.

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

School Supply Room. Look at this -- a calculator, a protractor and a compass! You've discovered the missing weapons of math instruction!

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!