Instructor Gifts

'Forget everything I told you about flying.'

"I've been reading the trashiest scientific abstract."

'Enforcing the publish or perish rule, Dean McWit?'

'Come in Justin, I just finished marking your exam.' - Grade Scale

'Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs!'

"This is a teaching hospital."

How to increase your income...

'Why English teachers were rarely hung in the old west.'

'Hang on..Maybe I should just explain the point of the exercise to you one more time..'

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

'Ed, writing 'Show me a case where it 'aint so' is not only improper grammar, it's also an improper geometric proof.'

'I'd like to overwhelm them with instructional excellence, but I'm not above winning through intimidation.'

'I'm impressed.' (showing the ropes)

The school was surprised by the turn out when they opened their English as a Second Language classes to all aliens.

"This is a computer rage management class. Road rage management is next door."

"You gotta hold onto those things fellas. Gun control. We need gun control."

'And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones.'

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

'This is great - what an idea! I can do a unit on gravity and the laws of motion for science class!'

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

"Curling up with a good book is one thing, but now you're taking a shelfie?"

"Wow! Now I got it, prof!"

'Do any of you have experience with jumping and landing?'

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

'Those who can't hunt, gather -- those who can't hunt OR gather, teach.'

'I see the problem, Gibson- you forgot to borrow from your neighbor there in step 3.'

'Teachers' Dreams.' 'Mike, did you just call me the B-Word, you fatherless good-for-nothing piece of excrement?'

Sir..I think we've found the weapons of maths instruction

'The following have fees outstanding...'

'Did you say you were in higher or highest education?'

'Teachers' Dreams.' 'Young man, either you remove your hand from under her sweater or I will remove it your arm.'

'It was great! I learned how to use dial telephones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave!'

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

Adjunct educator substitute teacher.