College Professors Gifts

"Along with 'Antimatter,' and 'Dark Matter,' we've recently discovered the existence of 'Doesn't Matter,' which appears to have no effect on the universe whatsoever."

Check out the tuitions on these college brochures. Let's see. $50,000 a year, plus fees?! If college professors are so bleepin' brilliant � You'd think they'd have fixed such a glaring typo! It is fixed. Against us!

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"Welcome to the future"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Ethics exam cheater.

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Big Bang Theory.

Albert Einstein

'Hmph. College kids.'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'But I digress...'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.