University Professor Gifts

Gone Lecturin'

Gag t-shirt for Mensa members.

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'Excuse me, where's the nanotechnology department?' - 'You just trod on it.'

Report on Plagiarism - 'You've copied all this off the internet...'

'If it's any consolation, our lack of business innovation will be the subject of analysis in some of the finest M.B.A. programs in the country.'

'Fred, rumor has it you're closing in on some profound, elemental truth about the universe, and I wanted to remind you that our research funding specifically prohibits that!'

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

Department of Archaeology Floor Plan

'Hold on a minute. Someone stole my pen.'

Great events in Chemistry...

'Medieval Studies is going nowhere without a 5-year strategic plan.'

Macroscope

"I told you when you moved into Dr. Condee's office that his bookshelves were due to collapse any day."

"It's a clear case of RLS: Repetitive Lecture Syndrome."

"I'm sorry...but I've just been informed recent technological advances have rendered this course obsolete!"

'I was working on my online degree, until my computer went on sabbatical.'

"They said he had to post his office hours, but they didn't say where."

"I worked my whole career to get a chair, and this is it?!"

Th Pscyhology Dept. and the Economics Dept. jointly present a seminar: 'Curing consumer confidence blues.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

The Evolutionary Biology Society.

Dr. Darrin found her peer review process unnerving.

Department of Geography: Latitude and Longitude.

'Stop sulking Higgins: You have to share the Vector Network Analyzer!'

Mathematics.

I heard it's a diploma mill.

Teacher and students.

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

"You must be the new dean who's going to put a feminist tilt on the department."

Bearded Leftie.

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."