University Teacher Gifts

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

'Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.'

A Puppet Named Juan

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Where your mind & battle are los

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Welcome to the future"

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

Ethics exam cheater.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Computer Room.

Gender Equality

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'