Lecturers Gifts

'Please welcome our first speaker who will discuss 'The Challenges of Globalisation'.'

'Miss Bondwell will now illustrate us how to make boring board meetings a thing of the past.'

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

'Ahem. No txtng PLZ."

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

"The competition called you chicken. What are you going to do about it?!"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Children's Parties

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Campaign for Plain English

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'But I digress...'

Eternal Student.

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Make a lot of money."

Scarcity

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Four Types of Test-Takers...