Lecturer Gifts

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'Radiology confirms that, like many other teachers of English, you do have a book in you.'

Gone Lecturin'

The first history class.

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

"This concludes my lecture on non-verbal communication. Any comments or questions?"

'We collaborate. I'm an expert, but not an authority, and Dr Gelbis is an authority, but not an expert.'

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

'Wow, excellent turnout.'

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

History repeats itself. Which may explain why it's so boring.

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

"In closing, let me tell you that never in the universe have I spoken before such an attentive audience."

"First, I want to give you an overview of what I will tell you over and over again during the entire presentation."

The speech was almost interesting. People began to sit up and fake interest.

'I'm going to refer to an educational theory which was first published in February and is still applicable today.'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

Harvesting the wind: 'Blah, blah, blah. . .'

The Academic Brain, showing parts: teach, write, do research, and (the largest part) serve on committees.

"The speaker was rushed to the hospital with chest pains. Apparently, he has an opportunity with high blood pressure."

"No doubt you're asking yourself, what are hatches? And how the heck does one go about battening them down?"

Long Lecture.

'I have identified 240 stages of organizational change. Before I discuss them, coffee anyone?'

'I'm going to begin with a joke so we can get the humor out of the way.'

'And in conclusion.'

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

'Dang, I forgot my notes!'

Man giving a talk but only a dog is listening.

Bob kept missing the point and was forced to wait around for the next one.

"I'm honored to share my research at your virtual academic conference."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'The beauty of this is that it is only of theoretical importance, and there is no way it can be of any practical use whatsoever.'

'It's important to be prepared for those unfortunate downturns in the market.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.