College Professor Gifts

Gone Lecturin'

'Today: The collective unconscious...'

Coming Soon to an Office Near You: Invaders From the Planet of the Recent College Graduates

'I read your college application essay. First of all, the word 'college' has to 'L's'.'

"And now Professor Weyfeld, of Columbia University, with some liberal claptrap."

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

ACADEMIC IDOL............'The yodeling effect of the vowel repetitions was novel and infectious. And yet, I feel that it was Professor Elliot's choice of subject matter that let him down here.'

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

"Who would like to discuss the concept of free will?"

Honorary degrees for sale, $5 each.

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

Smart Bomb.

"So how's that math grade looking? What's the team GPA this year?"

Student to teacher: 'If you know so much about making money, what are you doing teaching at a junior college?'

Professor Swizzlestix explains his point....

Subatomic particles

"I didn't go to college. I save a lot of time and money by simply printing out degrees off the Internet."

"Given my salary, it's appropriate that I teach microeconomics."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'I go to college -- What do you do for a living?'

'It's our college team's nickname.'

"One thing I'll say for us, Meyer--we never stooped to popularizing science."

Pessimists' club vending machine: Will wish you a rotten day, 50c.

The Giamatti era

"It's ugly but resolved."

"Not the 'Princeton Experience' he was expecting."

What's the difference between teacher kindergarteners and college students?

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

'We're giving control to a business sponsor.'

'I burden you with the deficit, you burden your kids with it, and so on...'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

College class: the Clinton years must be 18 to enroll.

'My son is away at college majoring in communication. When he sends me an email message, I have to run it through the spell checker before it makes sense to me.'

Humanities Quad.

Dunce stool at school with safe space on cap.