Community College Instructor Gifts

'I know crime doesn't pay, Dean Fenton, but neither does being an adjunct educator of philosophy at a community college.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Hmph. College kids.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'For an explanation of the financial terms of this loan, please enroll in a continuing-education economics class at your local community college.'

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

Kirsten Johnson

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'Leadership training.'

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

Subatomic particles

"Why are all of your answers so mechanical?"

Dept. of Engineering. It's a well-written paper, but a "gyroscope" is not a device for looking at tiny Greek sandwiches.

What Does God Know?

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

The Giamatti era

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

Professor Swizzlestix explains his point....

Smart Bomb.

"I wouldn't mind...But he's the teacher."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

University. I never really understood geometry until the instructor brought up pizzas.

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

"This is a teaching hospital."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

True Debate Fun

"When I go to college, I'm focusing on a STEM area of study!"

This is probably the only time that Clem's name and the title 'Ph.D' will be used in the same sentence.