Community College Teacher Gifts

'For an explanation of the financial terms of this loan, please enroll in a continuing-education economics class at your local community college.'

'Hmph. College kids.'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

Subatomic particles

"And every year on this very day...he creeps into camp and steals everyones electronics."

"Hey! Get back here!"

What Does God Know?

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

The Giamatti era

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'Early Laptops.'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Why can't you be more like little Hester Prynne? She's getting straight A's."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

Smart Bomb.

Professor Swizzlestix explains his point....

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

Laboratory: Protons /Electrons/Morons

'Mom, this is my new best friend -- I built him in computer class.'

This is probably the only time that Clem's name and the title 'Ph.D' will be used in the same sentence.

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he would be driving this make of Sports Utility Vehicle."

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

True Debate Fun

Ilyasah Shabazz

"When I go to college, I'm focusing on a STEM area of study!"

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

'Today: The collective unconscious...'