College Admissions Officer Gifts

'I see you have a rich and generous father. You're in.'

'We'll have to take this one - he invented the software we're using to make the selection.'

'...Not getting in, too big a bribe...'

"That's Ruffles, our I.Q.-sniffing dog."

"You think you can just bribe your son's way into college with a $5000 check? We'll need at least £10,000!"

St Peter shaving the heads of angels

End of Affirmative Action

No, we don't offer a degree in forwarding emails.'

'Hi, I understand you're having a hard time finding qualified minority students.'

'There's been a slight mistake. 1542 wasn't the average SAT score - it was the number of students who took the test.'

"I want to leave my body to Harvard. It's the only way I'll ever get in."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Saving for College.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'You have failed on all counts...'

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

Treadway college - A little knowledge, a lot of tuition.

'I wanted to ask you about life-experience credit.'

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'