Cold Climate Humorist Gifts

'The only thing I hate about our sub-zero temperatures is we're always surrounded with so much negativity.'

Why the ice bucket challenge isn't for everyone.

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

"A brand new credit card and not an ATM in sight!:

"I love this time of year."

Can't a guy have a hobby?

"Every time I turn the hot water on the sink disintegrates."

'I'm going to shoe it over to the convenience store and pick up another bag of ice for our drinks.'

'Put the blowtorch down, and walk away...'

'Okay, okay, you were right -- the espresso machine was a bad idea!'

'All right, I'm done thawing out the freeze, now what was it you couldn't wait to tell me about finally finding two snowflakes that are exactly alike?'

"Now that my new bikini arrived, I am ready for global warming."

"Whoever sold that machine up here in Nome...that was a salesman!"

"I don't blame the delivery guy for our food being cold. He did have to travel 30 miles by dog sled to get here."

"All natural snow cones for sale."

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

Just because I'm adapted to the cold, doesn't mean I like it!

"At least, everybody's agreed about the next summit's name!"

The new green legislature requires methane mitigation.

'YOU are fed up with it . . . How do you think I feel?'

"How come we never have 'Baked Alaska'?"

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

"It looks like it's an eye bank."

Icebergs talk about CNN appearance and looking thin on TV.

Weather today.

'Be fair, George - how do you expect me to find your contact lens in this lot?'

Greco-polar wrestling

"Mum? are you sure thers's such thing as global warming, coz I'm bloody freezing."

'Who turned up the thermostat?'

'I see a lot of that at this time of year...you've got a nasty case of cabin fever!'

'Where is the global warming when you want it?'

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

"Is it safe to come out yet?"