Cold Weather Humorists Gifts

Weather today.

"All natural snow cones for sale."

'What do you like about winter? I like these crisp, cold morning walks in the glistening snow.' 'I like how you can keep your extra beer outside.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

'YOU are fed up with it . . . How do you think I feel?'

I made snow angels in my good clothes and mom gave me the devil for it!

"How come we never have 'Baked Alaska'?"

'It's easy, just wee!'

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

"I love this time of year."

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'Be fair, George - how do you expect me to find your contact lens in this lot?'

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"Yes, it's snowing in my office. Corporate feels utilities, like heat, are a luxury."

"Aw, geez. My nuts are frozen." "T-T-Tell me about it."

Greco-polar wrestling

"I told you we came back too early...I'm freezing my tail feathers off!"

'I see a lot of that at this time of year...you've got a nasty case of cabin fever!'

"Normally, applying heat would be the correct therapy, however..."

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Where is the global warming when you want it?'

'Van Helsing, I've told you that just Holy Water isn't enough to kill count Snowcula! You need HOT Holy Water!'

It's a bit derivative.

'What's Iggy doing home from school at this time of day?'

'Okay, but for future reference; We never grit the ice in here.'

"...heat escapes through your head. Lose the hat and you might make it through April"