Coffin Enthusiast Gifts

'If a bear attacks and I have to play dead I want it to be as convincing as possible!'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Eternal Student.

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Selling lemon latt�

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

'These are job perks.'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"At this office no two days are different."

Back to work...

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Allegro con molto espresso

You've Had Enough!

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

Joined at the hipster.

"AHHHH, MORNING!"

Office Supplies/Coffee Supplies.

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."