Coffin Jokes Aficionado Gifts

'He still can't manage to get into the box.'

"Why do they do that?"

What's normal?

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'I have the result of your cost-benefit analysis. You should have retired four years ago.'

Mock Fight At The Bakery

"Congratulations! You've told the same joke one thousand times!"

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

'You have bullseye rash. take this medicine twice a day and stay away from dart games.'

'If a bear attacks and I have to play dead I want it to be as convincing as possible!'

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

What could have been quite possibly the most hilarious dog joke ever is interrupted by. . . 'So I said, that's no bone, that's my. . . squirrel!'

Another reason why a high school diploma is not enough.

Today, we'll talk with Professor Ernie about some lesser known units of measurement. Let's start with the "light-year." A 'light-year" is a unit of time measuring how long somebody stays on their diet. In most cases, it's counted in small fractions. No, a light year is a unit of length equal to the distance light travels in a year, about six trillion miles. What about the "angstrom"? The "angstrom" is a measurement of anxiety levels! Incorrect again. It's another unit of length --- It's

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

"So, I said to the lion, 'You want proof laughter ensures emotional health?... Ever seen a hyena in therapy?!'"

'Stocks rose on news engineers are close to developing a car that runs on lattes!'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Listen, I'm not going to keep letting you in and out all day."

Clown in supermarket looking at a tin of Canned Laughter.

"Remove your shoes and socks. We ran out of laughing gas"

Lost to antiquity.

'You're not making it any easier for either one of us.'

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"Tell the king they've sent a trojan virus!"

'Sorry. We've had to close your 'chicken' account ma'am. Everything you write bounces.'

"How's your meal OTHERWISE, sir?"