Muffin Aficionado Gifts

Mock Fight At The Bakery

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Burger Queen: The Patriarchy is Dead.

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

Allegro con molto espresso

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'Ahhhh?I love the smell of a staff meeting in the morning!'

"The best thing about this, is the lovely honeycomb centre."

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

Pope tarts.

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Thanks, but I already have my 'support bubble' right here."

'Hey, there are pedals on this thing!'

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

Table Of The Elephants

"Gimme a triple shot. I can't face another hour of 'Fetch boy!' without some caffeinated fortitude."

"Call him Koffee- he keeps us awake!"

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

"Let's see, we bought the giant pop corn, tow giant sodas, and a big box of candy. . . we were lucky the megaplex's loan department was open!"

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

9-5, 5-9