Coffee Shops Gifts

"We're close to being reliant solely on renewable sources of outrage."

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"My mom said I can't come here anymore." "What? Why not, Billy?" "She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice." "What 'bad' advice? All my advice is solid gold." "You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite." "That didn't work?"

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"I bet the Starbucks in Heaven never gets your order wrong..."

Enjoy our cell phone free ambience.

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

Coffee or Coffee

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Eternal Student.

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Selling lemon latt�

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

Multi-tasking.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

'These are job perks.'

"Man's best friends."

"At this office no two days are different."

Back to work...