Coffee Shop Experiences Gifts

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

Wifi in Hell

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

You've Had Enough!

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

National Coffee Day

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"I'd say business was brisk."

Coffee Menu

'I'm a purist. I don't take anything in my Vanilla Mocha Dulce Latte.'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

Too Much Coffee Man

'It takes all day to eat it.'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

Dateline - Caf

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

'The good news is I'm down to one latte a day.'

Hipster Coffee

I know why you're such a greedy, heartless scrooge, Armstrong. It's because deep down, you just want to be loved. But you're afraid of rejection, so you make yourself as unlovable as possible. That's the type of utter nonsense to expect from muscle-bound oaf who hadn't paid his tab in 13 years. I love you too, man. I hope you get audited.

Bookstore-Cafe: Used Book/Day-Old Croissants

Darlene? Rudy? I heard you might be hanging out here. I thought I'd come by just to say hello and see how you're doing. That's nice. Coffee King. I love you. Hence Coffee King. House of Java.

"Hold on, I'll make that coffee to go!"

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

Republicans have me feeling reflective about capitalism, in a good way. Uh, oh. You've been with the company 20 years. I appreciate that kind of loyalty. I just want you to know that. Thanks. It also makes me realize that you have few other job options and thus are more or less subject to my whims regarding pay and benefits. Okay, pep talk over. Enjoy your day. Hang on, I could maybe possibly get a job at Coffee King!

"Oh, great. ... My Aunt Donna is now on Facebook!"

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"Can you make me a tall Tazo chai latte with soy milk?" Bartleby, the soon-to-be-unemployed barista.