Coffee Shop Culture Gifts

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

You've Had Enough!

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"You don't whisper anymore."

Writers without borders.

Grandma's caf

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Coffee

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

Running Latte

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Coffee Menu

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"We'll always hate Paris."

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"Let's see, now, that's cappuccino, cappuccino, cappuccino, and cappuccino—right?"

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

'Ridiculously Expensive Coffee.'

Continental Drift.

'Dulcifying araneids didn't make them any more sapid.'