Coffee Shop Chatter Gifts

"He's very conflicted. He's a Sado-Masochist on pain killers."

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

You've Had Enough!

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

Hipster Coffee

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

"I like my coffee like my men: light and weak."

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

Voting on their Seats

'What are you staring at? You have free wi fi here, don't you?'

Rudy, how come you're not wearing the new uniform? You were serious? You seriously want me to dress like a robot? Of course I do, minion. My nightly perusal of customers' web searches indicates most of them are feeling a bit antisocial lately. They'd probably buy more coffee from a robot than a human. Oh wait ... new web searches coming in. I'm going to need you to dress like a sexy robot. Very bad man.

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

Overly pierced man in a lot of pain.

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

"I look forward to coming here for great tasting coffee. Every morning. . . but you are talking so loud I can't even smell it!"

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'