Coffee Chats Gifts

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

Voting on their Seats

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

'I've given up on looking for the bluebird of happiness. . . I'd settle for the chicken of contentment!'

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

'I thought I was really stuck on Richard, but it turned out it was just static cling.'

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

"The Sculleys, the Jensons, the Walkers, Freedy, Joan, Don and the Bowes. Oh, well, Madame de Stael had to start somewhere."

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'

"If I use twitter to communicate, does that make me a twit?"

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

I went to the book store, drank coffee, listened to some guitar player, talked to a friend, and forgot to buy my book!

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"