Coffee Chat Gifts

'Divorce was too complicated, I just retired from marriage.'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

'I've given up on looking for the bluebird of happiness. . . I'd settle for the chicken of contentment!'

Voting on their Seats

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

I went to the book store, drank coffee, listened to some guitar player, talked to a friend, and forgot to buy my book!

It's always nice to get together with other cartoon animals and compare notes

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

"If I use twitter to communicate, does that make me a twit?"

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'