Coffee Chat Gifts

'Divorce was too complicated, I just retired from marriage.'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

"If I use twitter to communicate, does that make me a twit?"

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

I went to the book store, drank coffee, listened to some guitar player, talked to a friend, and forgot to buy my book!

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'

'But, by not getting married, we've eliminated any chance of divorce.'