Coffee House Chatter Gifts

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"I like my coffee like my men: light and weak."

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

'I've given up on looking for the bluebird of happiness. . . I'd settle for the chicken of contentment!'

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

Voting on their Seats

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'

I went to the book store, drank coffee, listened to some guitar player, talked to a friend, and forgot to buy my book!

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

"The Sculleys, the Jensons, the Walkers, Freedy, Joan, Don and the Bowes. Oh, well, Madame de Stael had to start somewhere."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

'But, by not getting married, we've eliminated any chance of divorce.'