Coffee House Chatter Gifts

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

"I like my coffee like my men: light and weak."

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

I went to the book store, drank coffee, listened to some guitar player, talked to a friend, and forgot to buy my book!

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"The Sculleys, the Jensons, the Walkers, Freedy, Joan, Don and the Bowes. Oh, well, Madame de Stael had to start somewhere."

'But, by not getting married, we've eliminated any chance of divorce.'

"He's very conflicted. He's a Sado-Masochist on pain killers."