Chatty Coffee Sitters Gifts

"I like my coffee like my men: light and weak."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

White Wine Wisdom (2)

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

'I've given up on looking for the bluebird of happiness. . . I'd settle for the chicken of contentment!'

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

Voting on their Seats

"You know, after all these years of giving you advice on all. Things personal and professional, it occurred to me that you've never actually asked for my opinion."

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

'And he's so-o-o-o knowledgeable about wine. He must have spent an hour telling me about his trip to Chardonnary.'

"I remember when you could order a cup of coffee in two or three words."

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

I went to the book store, drank coffee, listened to some guitar player, talked to a friend, and forgot to buy my book!

"The Sculleys, the Jensons, the Walkers, Freedy, Joan, Don and the Bowes. Oh, well, Madame de Stael had to start somewhere."

'Do as I did - Learn to drink quicker.'

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'

You've renamed your small coffee? It's called a big now. That's absurd! It's the same size - the smallest size! It's marketing hooey! Why not call this napkin a scone?! Careful. Huh? Brilliant! Sale on scones! Oh dear.