Coffee Chat Raconteur Gifts

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'