Coffee Shop Chatter Pillows

"He's very conflicted. He's a Sado-Masochist on pain killers."

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

You've Had Enough!

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

Hipster Coffee

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"I like my coffee like my men: light and weak."

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

'What are you staring at? You have free wi fi here, don't you?'

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

Overly pierced man in a lot of pain.

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

"I look forward to coming here for great tasting coffee. Every morning. . . but you are talking so loud I can't even smell it!"

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

'I'm not concerned that coffee might keep me awake all night. I have credit problems that do that for me.'

'But, by not getting married, we've eliminated any chance of divorce.'