Coffee Shop Friend Pillows

"Attention, everyone. After many years of sittng here with his laptop, Ed Fessler is retiring form our coffee shop. Let's hear it for him."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"You don't whisper anymore."

You've Had Enough!

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

National Coffee Day

"It's an app that lets me know when I'm bored."

How About Serving Us For a Change

'I'm a purist. I don't take anything in my Vanilla Mocha Dulce Latte.'

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

Boss, customers are asking why you've doubled prices. I'm just being fair. When the cost of coffee beans go up, everyone thinks I'm justified in raising the price of coffee. But cost increases come in all shapes and sizes. What about my new 80" tv? What about my new car note? What about my manservant I just imported from London? I dream of the day when all costs can be passed on to customers equally. Greed is not a civil right issue!

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

'I've never eaten here. I come for the broadband.'

Continental Drift.

"I know nobody here works with each other, but it seems like morale is down."

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

'The good news is I'm down to one latte a day.'

Hipster Coffee

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"Can you make me a tall Tazo chai latte with soy milk?" Bartleby, the soon-to-be-unemployed barista.

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

"Oh, great. ... My Aunt Donna is now on Facebook!"

Republicans have me feeling reflective about capitalism, in a good way. Uh, oh. You've been with the company 20 years. I appreciate that kind of loyalty. I just want you to know that. Thanks. It also makes me realize that you have few other job options and thus are more or less subject to my whims regarding pay and benefits. Okay, pep talk over. Enjoy your day. Hang on, I could maybe possibly get a job at Coffee King!

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'