Coffee Chatters Pillows

"I have a positive attitude...but it might be a false positive."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"She has these fantasies that she ‘rescued’ me, and I just let her believe it."

"I don't think our Kevin watches porn."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"Stu's not a morning person."

"I like my coffee like my men: light and weak."

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

"I remember when you could order a cup of coffee in two or three words."

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

'Take two asprin and call my wife in the morning.'

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

"The Sculleys, the Jensons, the Walkers, Freedy, Joan, Don and the Bowes. Oh, well, Madame de Stael had to start somewhere."

I went to the book store, drank coffee, listened to some guitar player, talked to a friend, and forgot to buy my book!

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Last year I gave up wine for lent. . . this year I'm just giving up lent!"