Coffee Talker Pillows

'I've given up on looking for the bluebird of happiness. . . I'd settle for the chicken of contentment!'

'So then I thought... why not buy big magnets?'

I went to the book store, drank coffee, listened to some guitar player, talked to a friend, and forgot to buy my book!

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

'This decaf's lousy.'

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"It just wasn't working out. He's liberal low-carb and I'm strict keto."

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

Voting on their Seats

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

"Our breakfast burrito is just like our lunch burrito, except it contains 876 mgs of caffeine."

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

Randy, do you think I'm stuck working here, working at this cafe? Why do you ask? Maybe I could branch out, test the waters, see if I've got the courage and capacity to try something new. Are you saying I hang out at this cafe because I've got nowhere else to go? What just happened? If I just said something aloud, it had no weight or meaning.