Coffee Talker Gifts

'So then I thought... why not buy big magnets?'

I went to the book store, drank coffee, listened to some guitar player, talked to a friend, and forgot to buy my book!

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

'This decaf's lousy.'

"It just wasn't working out. He's liberal low-carb and I'm strict keto."

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

"Our breakfast burrito is just like our lunch burrito, except it contains 876 mgs of caffeine."

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."