Coffee Conversationist Gifts

"The Sculleys, the Jensons, the Walkers, Freedy, Joan, Don and the Bowes. Oh, well, Madame de Stael had to start somewhere."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"It just wasn't working out. He's liberal low-carb and I'm strict keto."

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

'I've given up on looking for the bluebird of happiness. . . I'd settle for the chicken of contentment!'

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

"I remember when you could order a cup of coffee in two or three words."

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

Randy, do you think I'm stuck working here, working at this cafe? Why do you ask? Maybe I could branch out, test the waters, see if I've got the courage and capacity to try something new. Are you saying I hang out at this cafe because I've got nowhere else to go? What just happened? If I just said something aloud, it had no weight or meaning.

Tea Cup Ride

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

I'm finally done celebrating the State of the Union address. What are you talking about? House of Java.net CyberCafe. Every year after the speech, I drive cross-country and date ladies from every region, and of every race, creed and color. It's my way of spending time with like-minded patriots to celebrate how we're all more similar than we are different. Whether you're in California, the deep south or far-off Hawaii, you're never more than a 2-hour drive from miniature golf. Think about that.

"I thought I was a writer, but it turned out to be a chemical imbalance."

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

She's been teaching too long!

"Actually, I was first drawn to Judaism not because of the religious beliefs but the dietary restrictions!"