Coffee Chat Champions Pillows

Online friends.

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

'It's true -- we DO communicate better in a chat room.'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"Could you repeat all that, I lost you at 'good morning.'"

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

"When I was young, we made statements using signs and marches!"

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"

Dadonomics

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

'This beer is pale and tasteless.' 'Your glass is empty.'

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

'With three teenage daughters the phone never rings twice in this house!'

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

Voting on their Seats

'Yes, it was love at first sight. Who would've thought that five years on, I'd be sick of the sight of him?!'

'Well there hasn't been a ring yet! But he did say that we were going to look at bridle wear - so, I know what that means. . . he loves me, Joanne.'

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

"Remind me what I was talking about—I wasn't listening."

Small Talk Outlet

'I booze, I schmooze and then I snooze.'

"Looks like Amazon is going to start delivering babies."

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

'My life began at 40 but my credit problems had a huge head start.'

"This call is monitored for quality. Try to keep up your end of the conversation."

"You're so easy to talk to - not everyone is such a good listener."

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"You're not holding up your end of the conversation."