Trendy Coffee Culture Gifts

I love Pretentious Coffee.

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Writers without borders.

Grandma's caf

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Coffee Menu

Running Latte

Coffee

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

Sermon on the Grounds...

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Daily Grind Coffee Cup

"We'll always hate Paris."

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

"Let's see, now, that's cappuccino, cappuccino, cappuccino, and cappuccino—right?"

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

'Ridiculously Expensive Coffee.'

Sign reads: No lingering over a good cup of coffee.

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Dulcifying araneids didn't make them any more sapid.'

'I assume you accept star bucks?'

Bookuccino. A melding of book and drink.

Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.

'A cafe is just a failed restaurant really, isn't it?'