Coffee Shop Visiting Gifts

Hipster Coffee

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

You've Had Enough!

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I'd say business was brisk."

"There's no such thing as free wi-fi."

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

Continental Drift.

Bookstore-Cafe: Used Book/Day-Old Croissants

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

"Oh, great. ... My Aunt Donna is now on Facebook!"

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'What are you staring at? You have free wi fi here, don't you?'