Coffee Shop Hopping Gifts

You've Had Enough!

Wifi in Hell

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"You don't whisper anymore."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

National Coffee Day

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I'd say business was brisk."

"There's no such thing as free wi-fi."

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

Dateline - Caf

Lunch

Continental Drift.

Hollywood cafe: celebrity in the house!

I know why you're such a greedy, heartless scrooge, Armstrong. It's because deep down, you just want to be loved. But you're afraid of rejection, so you make yourself as unlovable as possible. That's the type of utter nonsense to expect from muscle-bound oaf who hadn't paid his tab in 13 years. I love you too, man. I hope you get audited.

Hipster Coffee

Darlene? Rudy? I heard you might be hanging out here. I thought I'd come by just to say hello and see how you're doing. That's nice. Coffee King. I love you. Hence Coffee King. House of Java.

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

'This decaf's lousy.'

Bookstore-Cafe: Used Book/Day-Old Croissants

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."