Coffee Shop Exploration Gifts

'More buzz for the buck.'

Wifi in Hell

You've Had Enough!

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"I'd say business was brisk."

Coffee Menu

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

Dateline - Caf

'It takes all day to eat it.'

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

I know why you're such a greedy, heartless scrooge, Armstrong. It's because deep down, you just want to be loved. But you're afraid of rejection, so you make yourself as unlovable as possible. That's the type of utter nonsense to expect from muscle-bound oaf who hadn't paid his tab in 13 years. I love you too, man. I hope you get audited.

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

Hipster Coffee

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

Darlene? Rudy? I heard you might be hanging out here. I thought I'd come by just to say hello and see how you're doing. That's nice. Coffee King. I love you. Hence Coffee King. House of Java.

Bookstore-Cafe: Used Book/Day-Old Croissants

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

"Oh, great. ... My Aunt Donna is now on Facebook!"

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

'What are you staring at? You have free wi fi here, don't you?'

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

"Crumble an empire on that!"

"I knew you'd like this place."