Coffee Shop Explorer Gifts

'I'll have your longest-named coffee flavor.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Coffee Lid Upgrade

Man outside a coffee shop uses a 'Latte Nav'.

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

Enjoy our cell phone free ambience.

Coffee or Coffee

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Wifi in Hell

You've Had Enough!

Countervailing Clichés.

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

"What do you mean, it's not an educational toy? I'd have to learn to ride it!"

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

Dateline - Caf

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

Darlene? Rudy? I heard you might be hanging out here. I thought I'd come by just to say hello and see how you're doing. That's nice. Coffee King. I love you. Hence Coffee King. House of Java.

Hipster Coffee

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

Bookstore-Cafe: Used Book/Day-Old Croissants

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

'Hi, I'm Leo. How's the food here?'

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

"We have a small menu..."