Coffee Shop Explorer Gifts

'I'll have your longest-named coffee flavor.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Man outside a coffee shop uses a 'Latte Nav'.

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

Enjoy our cell phone free ambience.

Coffee or Coffee

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

You've Had Enough!

Countervailing Clichés.

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

How About Serving Us For a Change

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"What do you mean, it's not an educational toy? I'd have to learn to ride it!"

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

"... Wine list? No, we don't have a wine list! Perhaps I can get sir something from the vending machine?"

Hipster Coffee

Bookstore-Cafe: Used Book/Day-Old Croissants

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'Hi, I'm Leo. How's the food here?'

"We have a small menu..."

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"

'Dear, this is gift shop number 3. You now owe me 1 bait & tackle, 1 hardware store, and a bar.'

'What are you staring at? You have free wi fi here, don't you?'

A group of people sit in a coffee shop.