Coffee Shop Connector Gifts

Darlene? Rudy? I heard you might be hanging out here. I thought I'd come by just to say hello and see how you're doing. That's nice. Coffee King. I love you. Hence Coffee King. House of Java.

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

Wifi in Hell

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

You've Had Enough!

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Reading the sports pages.

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Man, I could destroy a chocolate donut with sprinkles right now

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

How About Serving Us For a Change

"Talk to me. You have wounds. I have salt."

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

Boss, customers are asking why you've doubled prices. I'm just being fair. When the cost of coffee beans go up, everyone thinks I'm justified in raising the price of coffee. But cost increases come in all shapes and sizes. What about my new 80" tv? What about my new car note? What about my manservant I just imported from London? I dream of the day when all costs can be passed on to customers equally. Greed is not a civil right issue!

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

Dateline - Caf

"I know nobody here works with each other, but it seems like morale is down."

Hipster Coffee

"Thing about human interest stories is, they always presume you're interested in humans."

Aliens Coffee

How much for a blueberry scone? $3.25. I'll give you $1.20. Huh? $1.40. $1.45. It's not negotiable. Shrewd. $1.65. $2.00. $2.10. $2.25, but I want free shipping! Ebay addicts. $3 for your sandwich. $6.

Sign reads: No lingering over a good cup of coffee.

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

'How long has what been going on?'

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

I suppose you'd like to know why I summoned you here at 3am, minion. Not really. My studies show there's a 0.0067% uptick in coffee sales when you appear sleepier than the patrons. Come again? My theory is that's because seeing you falling asleep on your feet subconsciously makes customers feel like they need more caffeine ... From now on, you're only to sleep three non-consecutive hours per day. Very bad mazzzzz ...

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

I just can't help feeling that we'd be good together.

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

"Could I have a skinny, half fat caramel infued Americano with a double shot and froth. . . but without the coffee!"