Exploring Cafes Gifts

"This place was better before they tore it down."

'If you can't make up your mind you can talk with one of our flavor counselors.'

'It takes all day to eat it.'

Coffee Menu

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Today's special... donuts.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Wifi in Hell

Hats and Food

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

You've Had Enough!

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

Raphnrrf? Raphnrrf? Umpha? Frfee? Maamr? Pick.

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

'You've had enough!'

National Coffee Day

"I'd say business was brisk."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

The American Tearoom, Moscow

Swallows returning to Cappuccino.

What's the insect de jour?

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'