Opening A Coffee Shop Gifts

"I think our coffee shop is going after an even younger market."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Wifi in Hell

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Those new coffee drones are really starting to get on my nerves."

You've Had Enough!

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Decapitated coffee.

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Kitty's Coffee Shop

"Soy latte for 'Actually Frankenstein is the doctor I don’t have a name.'"

'Thanks for coming out with me. I really needed a caffeine fix.'

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

Starbucks doubles its sales by devising a way to sell coffee over the Internet,

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

Dateline - Caf

The Coffee Tattoo

St Bernard with Cappucino, Espresso, and Latte.

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

'What do you mean, you just sell coffee? I don't understand, what kind of shop is that?'

Coffee-Rex: Even more irritable than a Tea-Rex.

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"How are your latte art classes going?"

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

"Six hundred Starbucks closing? Really? Is that on the East Side or West Side?"

"We've already had 35 people sign up for our new latte, scone and debt-consolidation loan combo. Where are you going to get all this money to loan people? Are you wearing a wire? Are you sure this is on the level? Smash your cellphone and I'll answer you."

Blackjack: free lemonade!

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

'I've never eaten here. I come for the broadband.'

'Relax. It's from the cappuccino.'

Capt. Ahab's landlocked brother Morab, searching for the white elephant.